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For Great Justice: Arby ‘N’ The Chief

2008/10/26

Crude. Stupid. Offensive. Hilarious. Endearing.

The moment Master Chief stepped onto the scene in 2001, there was an instant acknowledgment worldwide that gaming’s next ultimate badass has finally graced us with his presence. So when Master Chief turns out to actually suck at playing Halo, it’s not hard to see where some of the show’s charm comes from.  Instead of the valiant and honorable Spartan we have come to admire, beneath that iconic helmet is a dim-witted, petty, foul-mouthed, dirty-minded, snide, vengeful, L337-speaking, LOLcats loving, Halo-sucking moron.

Then again, perhaps it is the fact that Chief is his own #1 fan and, yet, he is so far from being the hero Bungie created him to be, or maybe it’s the fact that he has and :3 sides to him, that makes him so endearing to the show’s fans. Whatever the case, we can all, at least, commend Chief for trying and applaud Arbiter for putting up with his crap – all of which makes for laughter over and again.

DigitalPh33r Productions

Season 1

Arby ‘n’ The Chief is now runnings its third season.

Quotes:

  • Chief: “wat is this r this recon arm0r?/” (when the delivery guy drops off a package for Jon)

  • Chief: “omgwtfbbq” (when Chief realizes Arbiter has escaped from his store packaging)

  • Chief: “tel them i hav…… SUP3R CANSIR” (when Arbiter helps Chief write an e-mail to Bungie asking for recon armor)

  • Chief: “cock of doody 4!!1 modirn gayfuckstupid” (when Chief destroyed Arbiter’s CoD4 disc and tries to get Arbiter to play the fake one he made up)

  • Chief: “4 graet justis”

  • Chief: “i pay lots of mun33z 4 a betr intarnets conekshun so i deserv MAWR KILLZ”
  • Chief: “MAI ROFLCOPTER IT GOAS SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI”

  • Chief: “ wtf is up w/ this controlar ITS LIKE FUCKING LEGO” (when Chief plays against Arbiter with the GameCube controller in Super Smash Brothers Brawl)
  • Arbiter: “Christ. I mean I like a serious game with good teammates and all, but these guys are like, WAY too serious.”

Classic “Chief” Moments:

Arbiter: Do you think the maps were worth ten dollars?
Chief: ya. who dusnt hav ten dol3rz?/ i wipe my ass w/ 10 dol3rz!1

Arbiter: It’s not a competition about who has the most money you fucking idiot. It’s about a personal sense of worth. But I guess that’s a concept that’s too complex for your hopeless, juvenile, idiotic brain to understand.
Chief: [pause] hahhahhahhah ur p00r u cant affoerd stuff

Arbiter: And of course, as I expected, you mindlessly spam grenades.
Chief: its takticul n00b

Arbiter: It doesn’t look like you put any thought into this e-mail. All you’ve written is “can I haz recon”, and the word “plz” and it looks like you just held the Z key down for five minutes.
Chief: i think the moar zs i put in plz the mawr chans they r wil giv meh rec0n

Arbiter: You suck big throbbing COCK at Halo 3 ANYWAY! Why the fuck are you even concerned about your rank or your kill/death ratio? It’s probably like, one to twenty anyway!
Chief: [pause]
Arbiter: No response. What a surprise. Stop being a fucking crybaby bitch.
Chief: No u

Chief: Arbitur hugz?/ [arms up]
Arbiter: …You want a hug?
Chief: ya
Arbiter: …You want a hug… from me?
Chief: ya [arms still up] where is the luv? the loev? the luv?
Arbiter: …Okay…?
[they hug]
Chief: thar we go. dun wury arbitur its all gon b k
Arbiter: I am so uncomfortable right now.
Chief: thar thar ❤ [sticks a mini note-pad onto Arbiter’s back saying, “im stuped”]

Arbiter: What the hell, did you use the whole thing? [shaking empty Tag deodorant bottle]
Chief: ya TOOK LIKE HALF A GOD DAM HOUR

Chief: HOVERCAT…is hovering.
Travis: Dude, isn’t he on a glass table?
Chief: NO. ITS A CAT FROM SPACE. HAVIN’T U EVAR MET A SPACE CAT B4??///one

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. 2009/07/29 10:36 am

    You shoul’ve included this one

    Guy on voice communicator (after being crashed into a pillar) :
    “Whoaah dude, you fucking suck, man!”

    Chief : “May b u shud smoek my pole”

  2. 2011/12/03 12:17 am

    this one’s funny! episode=panic

    (red guy points shotgun towards arbiter)
    blue guy “what are you doing?”
    arbiter “goddamnit”
    red guy “i’m…i’m…i’m sorry”
    chief (comes out of nowhere and whacks the red guy and goes into hand to hand combat)”4 graet justis”
    blue guy “aw,f**k! aaaaahh!!(whacks yellow guy and goes into hand to hand combat)
    blue guy “drop it! drop your f**king gun!”
    yellow guy “no!”
    (blue and yellow guys shout random sentences that i can’t understand at one another)
    chief “no 1 shot @ mai frind w/ gun!!1!
    chief “for sparta”
    arbiter “this is retarded.i’m leaving”
    green guy “guys,stop!it’s okay!i’ve just been off the b.net forums!bungie’s found a solution to the glitch problem!”
    (hand to hand combat stops)

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